My Son

On September 8th, 2004 my life changed for ever. Late into that evening Conner Aaron Raeth arrived, and Kara and I became parents for the first time. Although the labor was difficult and he had to be taken via C-Section, he was a perfectly healthy baby boy. The next year flew by, he grew quickly, all his checkups went perfectly, and we were a picture perfect new family. Our little family moved back from Germany, bought our first house, and Conner celebrated his first birthday. Everything was going great.

October 22, 2005 began as a really exciting day. Despite Conner not feeling well, Kara and I were doing our best to celebrate our second anniversary. Adding to the excitement was the news that we were going to be parents for a second time! Throughout the day Conner seemed lethargic and just wanted to sit on my lap. This was unusual but not out of the ordinary for a toddler with a cold. Riding our emotional high, we packed Conner in his car seat and headed to Meijer’s to get groceries and then out for an anniversary dinner. The next 15 minutes would prove to be the most chaotic and scary of my life.

We made it about an eighth of a mile before I realized something was very wrong with Conner! One instant he was fine, and the next he was having convulsions and turning blue. I thank God everyday for the training Kara and I received in the military because I believe it was what saved our little boys life. Without thinking, and with the speed only a mother protecting her baby could produce, Kara had Conner out of his seat and began rescue breathing. We were about 4 miles from the nearest hospital but I think I made the distance in about one minute flat breaking many laws in the process.

Within a week we learned that Conner had a coarctation (pinch) in the aorta leaving his heart and delivering blood to the legs. We also learned that he had a congenital heart defect, a bicuspid heart valve. The valve was functioning correctly, but the pinch was producing elevated blood pressure and a lack of blood flow to his lower extremities. It was also responsible for the seizures and the stopped breathing. The skilled surgeons at the Children’s Hospital of Detroit removed the pinched section of Conner’s Aorta and six weeks later Conner was back to normal. The only remnants of the ordeal was a really cool scar under his left arm, something to brag to his friends about. The doctors advised us that in his 50’s or 60’s Conner would possibly need additional surgery to replace his heart valve but other than that things should be fairly normal. Conner began a yearly regimen of cardiologist visits and passed all with flying colors. He grew and took to sports at a young age, all doctor approved.

Two years ago Conner’s cardiologist became concerned that there was a thinning of the aorta wall in a location different from the repair. His cardiologist explained that when there is a misshapen valve, the blood flow exits the heart in an odd path and can cause the aortal wall to thin. He said that it was nothing to be alarmed about but put Conner on blood thinners and began watching a little more closely. Since then we have been to around 5-6 MRI’s and echocardiograms and all have been positive. Conner was able to come off the blood thinners and things looked to have steadied and the crisis had been averted.

Two weeks ago Conner had his yearly MRI and last Friday we got a phone call from Dr. Lee. Note to everyone out there… if the doctor calls you instead of just sending an email or text it usually means there is something he needs to discuss… not good. Dr. Lee explained that Conner’s aortal wall had thinned to a point where it had become dangerous and he would need open heart surgery within the next few weeks to correct it or risked having an aneurism.

The emotions of that day 15 years ago came crashing back in an instant, however, this time was different. This time… Conner is old enough to understand what is going on. This time… Conner was going to have to work through all of the anxiety and worry that accompanies a medical procedure of this magnitude. This time… was going to rob him of the varsity basketball season, golf, school, work, and friends. This time… he was going to miss a good chunk of his Junior year of high school and all of the things that go along with it.

Friday evening we sat down with Conner and delivered the news. As a father your job is to be bigger than everything scary in the world. You are supposed to protect your children no matter what it takes and no matter what the sacrifice. Yet there was nothing I could do to make this situation better, nothing I could do to fix it. There were tears and hugs. There was anger and frustration. There was disappointment and fear.

This is not a story of sadness though, this is a story of pride! Those of you who know me well know that I don’t wear dad goggles. If anything, I tend to stray too far to the other side of that line. Moments after delivering this terrible news, I saw something in my son. He was sad, disappointed, and scared, but he also had a strength about him. There was this grit and maturity in him that I had never noticed before. What I saw was both astonishing and impressive.

He just received the worst news of his young life yet he was resolute. When I asked him if he wanted me to let his coaches know, he said that they were his coaches and it is his team and he wanted to handle it. When Kara told him that she was going to call the school and let them know, he said he would stop into the office and make them aware. He then put on his boots and coat and headed over to his grandparents house to deliver the news. He wanted them to hear it from him. When he returned he asked me what this meant for his internship at CatchMark. He asked if we would be willing to allow him to work remotely in order to maintain it. He let me know that he has a plan for recovery and is marking out his path to run cross country in the fall. He fully intends to pick up right where he left off and is focused on future instead of dwelling on his misfortune. This young man, my son, has been truly impressive!

There have been moments of hugs and tears over the last few days, but In an age where many high school kids have trouble ordering their own food at a restaurant, Conner Aaron Raeth has owned this adversity and I am confident he will be stronger for it. At a time when I am supposed to be taking care of him he has flipped the script. His strength, maturity, and confidence is a calming and comforting presence to his whole family, and at a time when many adults would be falling apart. I am not just proud of Conner, I wish I could be like him. In this moment of adversity he has chosen strength. He is an amazing young man and I love him more than life itself!

If you happen to bump into Conner at school, work, on the street, or at Church, ask him about it? Ask him why he is calm and where he gets the strength from. I am certain I know what he will tell you but you might be surprised.

In closing I would ask that all of you to say a prayer for Conner and our family. As strong as he is the upcoming few months will be tough, and he will need God’s help to get through it. I would also like to say thank you! Thank you for being a community that helps raise young men and women like Conner and thank you for supporting our family.